Familiar Pain, Unknown Risk
Why do we stay where it hurts? Because the pain we know feels safer than the pain we can’t pre...
Welcome to my Blog.
Texts about personality, psychology and change
When Change Doesn’t Fail Because of Insight
“You know exactly what you’d need to do.” “But I can’t right now.̶...
The Inner Voices That Open Spaces
As children, we depend on others to help us regulate. We cannot sort through feelings on our own, ca...
The Illusion of a Single Personality
Managers, firefighters, exiles. Inner team members, ego states, parts, sides. Many therapy and coach...
From Defense to Need
What does it take to find access to our needs again? In recent posts, I’ve described how needs...
Three Faces of Defense
Why do we sometimes say “I don’t need that” and still feel empty? When a need beco...
When Needs Become Painful
A child comes home from school full of pride. The first A in math. Overjoyed, she flings the living ...
Resolutions: When Goals Replace Needs
Resolutions Are Not Goals. They Are Translations of Needs. “I’m going to work out 3x a w...
When Movement Doesn’t Nourish but Protects
Some inner movements are, in truth, well-disguised avoidance. What does that mean? So far, I’v...
When Self-Images Harden
“Closeness isn’t that important to me.” Perhaps what we take to be our truth is a ...
The Architecture of our Inner Motives
Our psyche has a kind of inner structure, like a building. It’s not visible, but it is experie...
From Fear to Needs
Needs and fear frequently occur together. We want closeness AND we’re afraid to open ourselves...