Familiar Pain, Unknown Risk
Why do we stay where it hurts? Because the pain we know feels safer than the pain we can’t pre...
Welcome to my Blog.
Texts about personality, psychology and change
When Change Doesn’t Fail Because of Insight
“You know exactly what you’d need to do.” “But I can’t right now.̶...
Well-Meant but Not Helpful
The voice of a mother who said: “Stand by your word” may have been exactly what a child ...
The Foreign Within Me: Who Expects What?
“That’s just how it’s done.” “You don’t show that much need.R...
The Illusion of a Single Personality
Managers, firefighters, exiles. Inner team members, ego states, parts, sides. Many therapy and coach...
Who’s Talking There?
When we talk about our desires, goals, or inhibitions, we often act as though there’s only one...
From Defense to Need
What does it take to find access to our needs again? In recent posts, I’ve described how needs...
Three Faces of Defense
Why do we sometimes say “I don’t need that” and still feel empty? When a need beco...
Resolutions: When Goals Replace Needs
Resolutions Are Not Goals. They Are Translations of Needs. “I’m going to work out 3x a w...
When Movement Doesn’t Nourish but Protects
Some inner movements are, in truth, well-disguised avoidance. What does that mean? So far, I’v...
Every decision has its price
“I want it all! I want it now!” We often believe we need to check off closeness, autonom...
The Architecture of our Inner Motives
Our psyche has a kind of inner structure, like a building. It’s not visible, but it is experie...